Howdy everybody. Welcome to Friday. You made it to the top of the week. Congrats. I’ve a deal with for you all: Taco Bell’s 2024 Stay Mas Occasion. What’s that? It’s principally a Taco Bell mini-E3 full with musical acts, bulletins, and all of the cringey moments you crave from one thing like this. Sure, in the event you guessed that this may be a bizarre, late-capitalist fever dream, you might be appropriate.
I had no thought this occasion was taking place till somebody on Twitter started tweeting about it. I instantly dropped every thing and began watching.
The occasion opened with Taco Bell’s CEO exhibiting up and speaking about how nice the quick meals chain is and the way anybody can get pleasure from its large tacos and burritos. As an instance this, he pointed to a tweet that I’m 98% certain is a joke and wasn’t meant to be taken critically by anybody, particularly not the dude operating Taco Bell. It known as Taco Bell “the final nice melting pot of sophistication on this nation.”
After that, there was some extra fluff, and I’ll be trustworthy with you all: When you tuned into this occasion for large information in regards to the Baja Blast or what’s subsequent for Taco Bell’s menu, you have been in all probability a bit annoyed by all of the fluff stuffed into this Ubisoft circa 2015 convention.
At one level, somebody started handing out awards to of us for finest menu hack and finest Taco Bell wedding ceremony. Afterward, the entire occasion stopped for a couple of minutes to let two dudes play some acoustic music. They sounded effective, however digicam pictures of the group (together with a dude hat that had “Moist Desires Surf Membership” emblazoned on it) appeared to point that the room was very a lot not into this vibe and simply needed to know what new slop Taco Bell was dropping.
Lastly, after almost half-hour of…no matter that every one was, the chief advertising and marketing officer at Taco Bel, Taylor Montgomery, confirmed as much as ship some Taco Bell product information to thunderous applause and cheering. The information: Taco Bell desires to and plans on making its fashionable nacho fries everlasting menu objects. However they’re nonetheless attempting to “determine” how. Okay…
After that gave us a shadow-drop (it’s similar to Hello-Fi Rush on the Xbox Developer Direct!), saying a brand new “Tacky Hen Crispanda,” a shredded cheese-filled, chicken-stuffed empanada. Of us gasped (not kidding) when he confirmed that this new menu merchandise could be accessible nationwide subsequent week.
Subsequent up, he revealed Taco Bell is bringing hen nuggets to the menu. On the sight of those fried bits of hen, somebody within the crowd yelled out “No manner!” Montgomery was fast to answer: “Sure manner! Whoever mentioned ‘no manner,’ YES WAY lady!”
Then, after some airhorns, Montgomery revealed a brand new “very restricted time” merchandise: Baja Blast ice cream. It’s deliberate to launch this summer time. I assume at this level a minimum of one particular person within the viewers had fainted from all of the Taco Bell information. It was simply an excessive amount of.
And for all you sauce packet sickos, Taco Bell is aware of you might be uninterested in the boring, outdated packets. So it’s altering them up this yr and we received our first have a look at the brand new ones. Thrilling stuff, of us. I’m vibrating.
However Taco Bell wasn’t executed. No. In any case that, Montgomery confirmed a picture of a Crunchwrap and requested “Seems like an everyday Crunchwrap, proper?” Of us, that’s your first clue that the person is about to trick you all. And he did. It seems, it wasn’t an everyday Crunchwrap (GASP!) however in truth it contained an enormous Cheez-It.
“Ooohhhhhhh!!” went many of us within the viewers. “WAAHhh!” yelled another person at this revelation.
“I current to you: the Cheez-It Crunchwrap!” Extra cheering adopted. In keeping with Montgomery, this new merchandise can be accessible at each Taco Bell this summer time. The occasion then ended with a rap break.
Get pleasure from your weekend of us and keep in mind to Stay Mas!